Words

words. language. what an interesting concept. that someone out there created something called an alphabet... full of things called letters.... which in turn gives us the opportunity to build words and form sentences... and that these words are all for the sake of expressing ourselves... sharing something... a statement... a feeling.

but even somedays... words cannot suffice.

today it hit me that i was leaving my job. today, my little bully of an 8 year old client, cried for me. he felt sadness as I shared the news that I, his TBS Coach, was closing his case. a massive wave of raw emotion hit him as he quietly let tears slide down his face onto his mother's shoulder. he had no words. he looked at me with tear streaked cheeks saying "Am I never going to see you again?"

i had no words. all that could come out of my closed up throat was "maybe someday". i smiled weakly at him in awe that this little rough and tough boy, who almost angrily punched me in the face, who would yell at me day in day out, "i dont care about you! i dont want you to come back!" was now genuinely making my heart ache with love for him. genuinely reminding me how much it sucks to say goodbye.

I mourn these moments, and I am grateful for these moments. For God revealing Himself through transition, through challenge, through pain, through anything we allow Him into.

Working at TBS- with the broken yet willing families of San Diego- has left me in awe...and with no words.

I will miss working for Mental Health Systems TBS Program. I will miss my goofy, crazy, fun loving coworkers who let me eat their leftovers. I will miss receiving therapy sessions from my boss (seriously tho. who gets that lucky) . I will miss all the love.

a little ART SHOW with a lot of LOVE

Thirsty

My name is Jessica. People call me Jessie. I think it’s because it’s easier to say. Or maybe it’s because I played on countless soccer teams with several Jessicas, so Jessie simply sufficed. And simply stuck. But that is all beside the point.

The point is that my name is Jessica. And I am never 100% content. So if I am not content, I am discontent. If I am discontent, than I am yearning, I am aching, I am searching for more. My soul is thirsting.

But for what?

The plethora of color on canvas, of amateur artwork that is vulnerably exposed before your very eyes today, poses this question. The question “what is my soul desperately seeking?”

I paint with a passion to see beyond this tangible world… beyond cultures that poison our expectations of one another… beyond extreme materialism that addicts our youth to a standard of living… beyond seeking self worth in a profession, quality of education, or social status (ok, let’s just sum that up as seeking self worth from a broken world.)

I paint moments in time where I experience raw rushes of emotion. Emotions full of pain and healing. Emotions that encourage the organic process of brokenness, the dire need to surrender. But most truly, I paint moments where I experience Divine grace, where I receive Holy truth, and where beautiful selfless love is poured upon me. These moments are when my soul quenches its thirst.

I don’t think we will ever be 100% content in this world. I believe we can feel genuine peace. But we will always seek something beyond what our measly minds can mentally grasp here on this earth. “If we discover a desire within us that nothing in this world can satisfy, also we should begin to wonder if perhaps we were created for another world”- CS Lewis, Mere Christianity

I pray my artwork can encourage this concept. The concept that there is more to life than this world can ever offer, that eternal life is beyond us. That there is a God, a Source of life who craves to know and love us.

Here. Now.

"When there is no major difficulty to overcome, no vision from God, nothing wonderful or beautiful-just the everyday activities of life-do I hear God's assurance even in these?"

-oswald chambers

Why is it hard to hear God's assurance in everyday activities? Because we are adrenaline junky humans who need highs and lows, who need drama, who need stress, who need extremes to feel as if we are really alive. But I am alive! Right now! As I sit here, typing on my ordinary laptop, having my ordinary cup of coffee on my ordinary couch in my ordinary home in San Diego, as I'm about to get into my ordinary car to drive to an ordinary day at work. It's just so boringly typical.

But I.am.alive. And this is where my life is. Here. Now. So what am I gonna do about it? Go through the motions thinking, "Okay God, I wanna be a vessel for You. I want you to use me in every way. I want to know you more. But not today. Because today is not anything special. I'm not feeling the rush to go strike up a little convo with the person on the bus, or to call my Mom and tell her I love her, or to just go into work full of joy despite how mean my coworkers are. Or to just make time to know you, to glorify you."

This is our life. right now. And as I type on my normal computer, on this normal morning, I still want to see God's sovereignty, God's beauty, and God grace as I get in my car and head off to a day of normal work.

Now don't get me wrong, if you know me, I am most definitely an individual who promotes beautiful moments, moments that express passion, and moments of spontaneous creativity. Living life full of crazy beautiful experiences that just make your heart wanna burst because it is overwhelmed with emotion!!

But should we limit God to these moments?

"We have the idea that God is going to do some exceptional thing-that He is preparing and equipping us for some extra ordinary work in the future. But as we grow in His grace we find that God is glorifying Himself here and now at this very moment. If we have God's assurance behind us, the most amazing strength becomes ours and we learn to sing, glorifying Him even in the ordinary days and ways of life." -oswald chambers

Mr. Chambers has inspired me this morning to be bold with all you people who read these things called blogs, to stop waiting for God to do some exceptional thing. He is here, now, waiting for us to have assurance in Him. Even as I fail daily with this concept of constant assurance in Him, I know God is smiling down, excited for me as I keep going and keep desiring to be closer to Him. :)

We are never good enough. Deal with it

Jezebel was dormant for a while. but she is back.

This past year, as I've wandered into the real world, as I've transformed into a working woman, blessings from my Jesus have been genuinely shoved down my throat. But here is the thing-I know God has chucked blessings straight at my face before and I was numb to them. I didn't see them. I chose not to. I chose not to because I thought I had to reach a certain point in my life, a peak, or mountaintop of holiness if you will, where I could receive anything from God.

My point is that these blessings are completely unrelated to my abilities, my worldly accomplishments, my performance. Nothing I, ME, Jessica Miriam Pleis, have done. nothing.

Why do we always try to be good enough? Good enough for our job, good enough for our loved ones, good enough for our friends and family, good enough for GOD? Hellooooooo....NEVER GONNA HAPPEN!

But does that mean we wallow in our self pity for the rest of our lives without any passion or purpose? Of course not. We seek hope. We seek hope in a God who is sovereign, who is worthy of praise, who gave us the greatest gift that is NOT OF THIS WORLD.

Oswald Chambers says it pretty darn well:

"The fact that I am trying to be right with God is actually a sign that I am rebelling against the atonement by the Cross of Christ. I cannot make myself right with God; I cannot make my life perfect. I can only be right with God if I accept the atonement of the Lord Jesus Christ as an absolute gift. Am I humble enough to accept it? I must leave myself completely alone in His hands, and then I can begin to pour my life out in the priestly work of intercession. "

It is time that we start to recognize how prideful we are. We are so prideful that we continue to prove ourselves, we continue to be attempt perfection, we continue to think we can live without sin. Sin is a fact of life, it is not just a shortcoming, and we must deal with it daily. We can only overcome sin with The Spirit immersing through our soul.

So stop trying to do it yourself. You will fail. I do daily. Accept your failures so you can accept God's Grace.

Check it. Powerful sermon.

http://www.calvaryslo.com/mediafiles/sermon-gospel-of-freedom-gospel-implications-galatians-6.mp3

I Am Thankful.

I Am Thankful. Thankful for much.

I am thankful for England. For how green it is. For having lots of sheep and cattle and farmers.

I am thankful for trains and cheap transportation in Europe. It was a lifesaver this weekend.

I am thankful for Capernwray. For everything about it. For it's inner beauty and outward beauty. For Major Ian Thomas who created the dream of Capernwray. Who bought this fascinating manor house that has now been home to thousands of Christ followers. For those Christ followers who were thirsty, searched, and drank in life...real life... at this sanctuary. It is like nothing every experienced. ever.

I am thankful for my family. I miss them dearly. With ALL my heart. I ache for them, their unconditional love, the warmth I feel when I'm with them. I am thankful that I can listen to Nsync Christmas on repeat with my 3 brothers encouraging it. For facebook video-making with Jake and Josh. For playing soccer in the backyard barefoot and it never getting old. For watching the food network with Jake and doing a family Iron Chef. For my mom for being so dam good at cooking. For her words of widsom, for her compassion and listening ears towards her incapable daughter. For being a "Proverbs woman". For my dad who loves coffee more than I do. Who pursues daughter-father time with coffee dates rather than soccer tournaments. Who reminds me of what how I deserve to be treated by men. For being a salmon towards my mom.

I am thankful for children. For the innocence and spirit. For their excitement in life and the way they teach me more than many adults ever could teach.

I am thankful for Granite Bay. For my home. I can always come back to and feel comfort, find true friends.

I am thankful for coffee. man, I LOVE a cup of joe every morning. just isn't right without one.

I am thankful for sunsets. for colors and natural beauty.

I am thankful for my legs and feet. That I am able to run, jump as much as I want.

I am thankful for SLO. Cal Poly's community. For 3 years of amaziness that I never thought I could dream. I am thankful for my loved ones in that utopia of a town. For the Pismo House. For the babes who are genuinely loving such a great home while we're away. For my sisters-my roommates who are dam good at cooking, dancing in their underwear, drinking wine, showing compassion and unconditional love to me, and having style. For Meredith...loving Friends passionately just as much as I do. For Jen...for being Jen...for being goofier and wierder than me. and being proud of it. For Lisa....for being the best Apple representative in the world...and smiling more than Ive ever seen anyone smile. For shan and dave....being the hottest and most humble couple in the world. :) for the Grand girls....loving Twilight and being soooo proud of it....for being really blonde and having the most fun. For being really close to campus. no fair. For the Osos girls....being the most unique, hippiest, Toms wearin, 3rd world lovin, music makin, craziest group of girls I've met. For the twins...being hot lifeguards and representing Hume. for being twins that look very different and making it easy :) For my Bible Study girls. For teaching me. For being such God lovers and followers. For desiring to grow. And for just being wonderful. I am thankful for Campus Crusade and the community it has given me in SLO. For all of you who I have met through it. For my mentors, Bible study leaders, "older" friends who has sent examples-examples of women and men of God. For loving me.

(I am thankful for many more of you in SLO. Trust me. I am just getting started. Didn't realize i was gonna get all crazy in thankfulness today).

To end this typical Thanksgiving blog, I am beyond thankful for my Heavenly Daddy. For Christ who died for me. Shed His pure innocent blood for my dirty, sinful blood. For my God who gave His son up for me. For all humanity. For the gift of grace. For God as my rock. My first love. My only dependency in this world.

I am thankful. I hope you are too. Because there is much more than all this to be thankful for.

Growing with age does not always mean growing in maturity...

Dear loved ones...

It has been a while since I last shared my insights of the life I live here in Harry Potter land. I have 5 weeks left. Unbelieveable! Time flies when...well...you get the picture. :)

Before I indulge you in some extreme opinions about the working industry and the female persona, I am excited to say I visited some dear friends in London last week, and will be traveling to Oxford tomorrow and Liverpool on Wednesday! I think the travel bug has finally become my buzz despite the weariness of work. Tomorrow I will enjoy a beer with Mr. CS Lewis and JRR Tolkein at The Eagle & Child pub. This is the pub where the two authors used to meet weekly and discuss Theology and philosophy in a quaint back room of the pub called "The Rabbit Room". I cannot wait to sit in the very same room where such knowledge and insight was discussed years and years ago. Liverpool will also be such an adventure seeing as it is a 14 hour long trip, and I will have to up and ready for work the next morning. But to be in the presence of The Beatles upbringing is quite worth it. I will be walking along Strawberry fields, Abbey Road, and get to walk into the very pub where the band had their first show. Yes...this will be cool. :)

Seeing as it is 10:30 pm on a Saturday night, and I am very tired, I will make this short and sweet. The work force in the military is quite interesting. Even morso, the work force with women is crazy! I have never experienced such manipulativeness, negativity, gossip, and drama as I have in my present job. And I am 22! Still in college...still coming out of my teenage years...where most would assume I am immersed in drama and gossip. But noooo....the most immaturity I have ever experienced between staff member have been while I am overseas in a professional working field. Excuse me for the bluntness. This does not mean I hate my job. This does not mean I dislike my time and experience here. In fact, I can already admit, I have grown, been challenged in more ways than I could have ever dreamed, and I will miss this place. But I am also sad. I am sad as I see women treat women with such lies and negativity. I am sad that we cannot come to work with positive attitudes as seeing that we work with children everyday who feed off demeanors, auras, attitudes, ect. Children very easily detect negativity. It saddens that we cannot be a place of more love than dislike. I have never heard so much exasperated rumors, pitiful unnecessary drama, and complaining as I do with women. Now I am not taking myself out of the conform...I am just to blame in many ways. I simply am stating an observation and am making a point that I think we, as women, need to be wiser, more positive as we work, less gossipy about other people's lives, and focus on our own problems and issues.

Just a thought :)

My envy towards children.

'Ello from the land of accents, dirty dry humor, Marmite, fish and chips, and futbol hooligans. I cannot believe I've been here for over a month. It seems like I just arrived...yet it feels like I've been here for months.

Anywho...I want to share experiences I've had with my children with you. Well...you know...notmy children...the preschool kids I've been graced with seeing everyday.

So there is this 4 year old Blondie beauty. She looks like a dainty porcelain doll, but has the personality completely opposite of that. She is the dreamer of the bunch. Always the last in line because she is skipping listlessly around as if she is in her own world. This can be difficult at times because she neglects to sit still during "group time" or takes ages to wash her hands because she is so enthralled with the soap bubbling up. As her teacher, I can't stand it! But as a grown up woman, I am jealous and intrigued and I hold a special place in my heart for this girl. How lovely is it that kids can be entertained by the simplest of things. This girl giggles at the random est of things. Every time she "blows the wind" she always feels the need to tell me. She laughs and says..."Oops! Miss Jessie...I farted!" She has the funniest giggle I've ever heard...like she almost knows she is weird and silly. One day I was waking her up from nap time (she struggles getting up from her naps compared to the rest of the kids), and every time I wake her, I ask her "What did you dream about today?" Every dream of hers is full of silliness. One day she stares into space trying to remember her dream...and says in a sleepy, very thoughtful, as-a-matter-of-fact voice, "I...I dream of...of cookies. I dreamed of the cookies at snack time! The ones with bananas."

Ok...so this may not sound that beautiful or intriguing to you, but it is beautiful to me. And I love that. I love that I find beauty in this. In spending time with children and experiencing these moments with them. These moments of hearing their dreams. The moment when a 4 year old can sing the entire Little Mermaid song, "Part of Your World" without any help. The moment I teach the game "Blast Off" in wagons, and a little boy remembers that we float in space because there is no gravity.

The hours and hours I spend with the children is tiring, but so rewarding. The moments I get with them...when they remember that "dog" starts with the letter "D" or that "replete" means you're full....are moments that happen once in a lifetime. And I'm so happy to be apart of those moments.